Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Being alone is a challenge for many people. This challenge may
loom especially large during the holidays if you are single or
newly divorced and without family around you. Holidays are a
time to share love, and many people end up feeling depressed
when they do not have people around with whom to share love. If
you are in this situation, what can you do to make the holidays
joyous rather than depressing?
The key phrase here is SHARE LOVE. Too often people think in
terms of getting love rather than giving and sharing their love.
They don't realize that it is the act of giving their love that
is so very fulfilling.
Gail had grown up very lonely in an emotionally distant family,
with parents who did not freely give their love and relatives
who were also cold and distant. She had married an emotionally
distant man, and after 7 years of more loneliness, had decided
to leave him. This was her first holiday season alone.
Gail decided that she was not going to be alone and lonely again
this holiday season. She did some research on service agencies
that needed volunteers and discovered a women's shelter in her
area for women and their children who were hiding from
physically abusive husbands. The shelter was badly in need of
funds for food, which Gail didn’t have. What she did have was
the time to help gather food. Each day, after her job as a
secretary, Gail went around to the markets in her area until she
found some willing to donate Thanksgiving dinners for the
mothers and their children. Then, on Thanksgiving Day, she spent
her time at the shelter cooking, decorating, serving, and having
Thanksgiving dinner with these brave women who had left their
abusive husbands to save themselves and their children. It was
the best Thanksgiving she ever had! By choosing to share her
love with people who needed her, she felt filled with love.
Gail had such a fulfilling experience that she found a small
part-time job in addition to her regular job so that she could
afford to buy presents for the children at the shelter for
Christmas. She had such fun buying presents for the children and
watching their joyous little faces as they opened them on
Christmas day! Gail felt anything but alone and lonely.
Gary was in a similar situation to Gail. He was single, had been
an only child to parents who were no longer alive, and had no
close relatives. His janitorial business did not give him much
opportunity to make friends. Gary had spent many lonely holidays
feeling isolated and depressed, and decided a few years ago to
do something about it.
Gary loved animals. As a child, his dog had been his main
connection with love. After some research, Gary discovered that
there was a wonderful animal shelter within a half-hour of his
home – a shelter that loved and cared for animals and didn't
euthanize them. Gary started to volunteer one day a week on the
weekends – cleaning, feeding, playing with puppies and kittens,
helping to interview people who wanted to adopt a pet, and
getting to know the other volunteers. He found that he really
connected with the people who volunteered there. Many of them
were loving people who were deeply devoted to caring for
animals. As his friendships developed, he found he had a new
sense of family centered around the shelter. Thanksgiving and
Christmas were now sometimes spent with the other volunteers who
did not have families, and sometimes with the families of some
of the volunteers. Gary's life had become full and fulfilling.
The last I heard, he was dating a woman who also volunteered at
the animal shelter.
No matter what your life situation is, you can always share your
love with others. Instead of feeling alone and lonely this
holiday season, open your heart to giving. There are many people
and animals out there who would welcome your love.
